11:21 A.M EST -- 01.19.03

it is early sunday morning. one of the coldest winters i've seen in quite some time.
it's crazy how the winter morning sun can make the world look like it is late afternoon.
ahhh, days have been packed with activity, however whenever anyone asks me..
hey, what have you been up to here? i can't think of what!
been playing phone tag with the Australian embassy - process for a long term visa..
working.. and meeting up with magnificent souls.. and teaching mum how to use a computer.
this past week, met up with JT in Cold Spring, NY..
a somewhat spooky town, in it's small town, yet posh picture perfection.
but we went into the woods and forged up and then down the mountain..
it was freezing, i fell on my bum at one hundred times, because the top layer..
of the snow was frozen icy - my footsteps aren't heavy enough many times...
so following the footsteps of JT and mountain deer, i was okay.
sometimes, i just sat down and slid down..much fun.
i've only been to that mountain during the warmer months..
seems like another world with layers of glittering snow.snow.snow.

--

and then yesterday, OLB and i walked through the frozen landscapes of the..
Brooklyn Botanical gardens... talking about Everything.
he works for the Board of Ed.. and after mayor blooooomburg decided to chop half of the divisions..
Olb's division miraculously remained standing.. good. there needs to good people in there.

so things are changing.. all sorts of uncertainty is up in the air..
some of my dearest friends are planning to leave NYC as well..
T17, i believe, my friends, is one of the most creative.. and greatest driving forces..
in the 'underground' art world..and he has decided to leave..
the NYC i once knew seems to be fading in many aspects..
perhaps that is the way it goes.. in order to regenerate..rebirth.

so i leave in 2 1/2 more weeks if all goes according to plan..
i find it crazy, ZKR emailed me saying that one day was 111 degrees F in Oz.
that is the exact polar opposite of what is going on.. zero precipitation in sweltering NSW, Australia..
iceworld with plenty precipitation in northeast coast USA.

i do not know what is before me in my near future..
i see only murkiness... all is shrouded.
but i'm going to take a running dive right into it.
it is the only way to live fully for me.. maximum potential.
a woman at the bookshop said that i am her inspiration for moving out..
don't get me wrong.. i love nyc with all my heart and hopes..
but it just makes me wonder and marvel how so many people are unhappy there.
it took me awhile to realize that i wasn't always my brightest there.. ahh in the machine....
the thing is.. in the city. i became kinda creatively lazy..
always distracted by faerie glamour and stuff.upon.stuff.
when i was camping in the middle of a rainforest by myself last summer..
i couldnt stop writing.. all the strange birds and smells of the forest..
were so invigorating and *alive* - and so many thoughts opened up like little doors.
my body wishes to be closer to the leafy greenier bits of the world.
i am in need of some repairing..

--

the people who i work with at the bookshop are such special people.
true to their calling and taking a harder route to their dreams..
'in dreams begins responsibilities'
i love them.. they are like family.. they bring me hope.
before i go.. we are going to meet up at a local pub for a coupla libations..

anyways, and anyways. apologies if this missive seems out of the linear realm..
however, i do believe in the web of synchronicity.. so in theory, everything relates.
pushing upwards.

d. *i realize that i mixed up the placements of emperor/empress, do excuse it......