12:52 A.M EST -- 12-17-02 -- spinnin': Godspeed You Black Emperor

..daa-aamn.

the last 6 months of my life were spent in australasia.
away from the land of the not-so-free..
away from all that is familiar.. streets, smells, speaking language, bus routes...
teetering around the hills of Laos, the Australian bush, strangeness of S. Korea, and spicy Siam.
during that time i had me some moments of clarity..
a greater glimpse of the Big Picture that is being orchestrated on this teeming planet.
all sorts of lessons are taught by every imaginable element.
the half-year long download of pure, uncut information that poured into my frontal lobes like molten lava..
has barely begun to settle and integrate into my bewildered memory storages.

fair enough.

--

right. so back at my parents' casa, which lies at the foot of the twinkling GW bridge.
already went back to my first shift at the bookshop.
it appears that not much has changed. some people grew their hair a bit longer..
hmm, maybe only things in the physical realm has remained static..
but what is going on behind the eyes of everyone has shifted.
so i came back to a new new york. maybe.

so, when i sorted through all my belongings, which i have left behind..
they seem to belong to someone else.. but with a tinge of deja vu..
i was also appalled by the volume of detritus i had managed to accumulate!
so into the bin went many things..
things that only become deadweight..
when all i want to do is dance and let my mind become helium like.
no more luggage. i arrive with nothing, i leave with nothing.

Tom O'Bedlam says this about minds:

"[our minds are] big enough to hold the weight of oceans and the turning stars.
whole universes fit in there!
but what do we choose to keep in this miraculous cabinet?
little broken things, sad trinkets that we play with over and over again.
the world turns our key and we play the same little tune again
and again and we think that tune's all we are."

hmmm...

--

so cfish version 2 has fallen into digital dust.
and in it's place rises a more spatial implication - ver. 3.
after about two months.. i shall shape this site from down under.
don't know where i'll be living -- but somewhere along the east coast of New South Wales.
feel the urge to exit the US.
when i was overseas.. i felt the need to disguise my amerikaness.
so i said i was from the People Republic of South Korea.
the shameful actions of this gov't is full on. the C.I.A = terrorists too.
but enough of that! we are born into this world without warning, disclaimer, nor assent!
we do have a semblence of freedom, yeas?
it's like that part in the movie version of 'Contact', when one of the characters says..
to paraphrase.. humans are an interesting species..
we have the capacity to create such beautiful dreams..
and to create such destructive ends... or something like that, but you dig.
we are brilliantly blessed with the notion of choice.
let us all raise our wine glasses to the concept of choice.

we are all that we grok.

but we've come so far! let us celebrate that.
in fact, let us make today a holiday.
and on this holiday, you can run through the streets with neon blown-up party
balloons taped all over you, while reciting Ferlinghetti poems through a bullhorn.
or you can brew precisely 11 pots of different teas and invite all the
elderly ladies in the neighbourhood for a mystical afternoon tea experience.

and so forth.

may you experience deep joy and wonder these holidays.

love
d